"Don't be afraid to fall in love. It's the only thing that matters in life." Gwyneth Paltrow ... Country Strong

Day 3: First Love


I was blessed to have my first family love be my mother, first pet love be my horse Gunner (who is still the love of my life in pet years), first friend love be Miss Breezy Smith, first boyfriend love be Mr. Logan Kuzma, and my first unattainable love be Mr. Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Helllooo JTT circa Home Improvement ... don't tell me your little heart didn't weep when you thought he had cancer and they were going to kill him off the show ... sigh.
After him I moved onto my next unattainable love, Chad Michael Murray, but only as his character Lucas Scott from One Tree Hill 

What's not to love ... he's sweet and funny and passionate about writing. He reads and plays basketball and writes love letters. Mmm my crush on him will never ever go away


I am so grateful to be surrounded by love on a daily basis. I have a world of friends and pets and books and a pretty sweet life (see that positivity even though the job things sucks) and love and am loved by many people. Regardless of all this love and my early experience with love, none of it meant anything when I met Scott. So many people think that their first love happens in high school. I used to be one of those people. I thought that Logan would always be my first love, but when I met Scott I realized that until him I didn't even know what love was. I will always have a special place in my heart for Logan because he was the boy that helped me get through those awful years that are high school, but my first and only and always love is Scott. I first met Mr. Scott Floyd at a dingy little club where his band was playing. He was the bassist and had all this long, beautiful, curly hair. I took one look at him and I was a gonner. We met, we talked, we drank, we kissed, I stayed over and in the morning when he drove me home he asked for my number and I've never been the same since. We've been through a lot him and me.  And while we might have opted to take the easy way out a couple times and break up we've always ended up right where we started ... together, entranced by one another. He's stuck by me through a lot: 4 years of college causing our relationship to be conducted via the phone from two hours away, the sickness and passing of my dearest grandfather, student teaching, interviews, not getting the job, car accidents, and lonely nights. He's this amazing, beautiful human being and I will love him for the rest of my life and then some. He taught me how to find the happiness in every instance of life and taught me how to love. He's sweet, caring, handsome, cute, strong, smart, funny, and great with our dog. When I look at him I see my whole life. While I often shy away from being too gushy with him and revealing all my feelings when I heard the quote that titles this post, I realized I can't be afraid to show him all these things. I fell for him instantly and keep falling every single day. He proves to me that love really is the only thing that matters.

Look at that handsome face :) When I looked up from my seat at graduation to him smiling and taking pictures of me in the crowd I realized that it's him ... it has always been him. He's the my first and true love. Knowing this is what gives me the courage to say what I'm going to say next. With all the hateful things I think and say about marriage ... none of them matter when it comes to Scott. I would marry him tomorrow or the next day or the next if he'll have me. I would marry him without any plans for a wedding or where we would live or how we would pay bills. I would marry him and fight through all the marital problems facing young people. As long as I could be with him for the rest of my life ... I would marry him tomorrow. My first and forever love.