Monday, January 31, 2011

"A friend is a brother who was once a bother"

Day 5: Your siblings 

I was around two when I stopped being able to sit on my mommy's lap and it wasn't because she didn't like to hold me, it was because she was too huge around to even have a lap. That was the day I decided I didn't want my brothers. My mom couldn't hold me anymore, she couldn't pick me up, she couldn't run and play all because of those darn brothers. The day they were born my aunts took me to the hospital. They tell me I had no interest in my brothers, but I wanted my mom so bad that I started being loud about it and the doctors kicked me out of the hospital ... stupid brothers. Flash forward about two years and I had to go to preschool just to get away from them ... this was about the time I kept asking, "Do we have to keep these brothers?" And informing anyone who would listen that "I don't want those brothers" and "can we give those brothers back?"
Thomas Michael Herchek and Jeffrey John Herchek ... born July 15, 1990 ... my friends who sure did start out as bothers and turned into my brothers. My baby brothers, as I now call them which is ridiculous because they are so much taller and stronger than me, became my best friends about the time I graduated from college. Now, I can't wait until they come home from college. Now, I can't wait until I see their cars in the driveway. Now, I say to my mom, "When will those brothers be home?" Funny how life always comes full circle.
My Baby Brother holding My Baby :) This is my other red-headed sibling. The one who would let me sleep with him if it was thunder storming because I was so afraid. The one who would answer the phone at midnight  so I had someone to talk to on my walk home from work. The one who taught me to love Duke and all things basketball. The one who lets my dog climb into bed with him when I have to go to work. I love him.


My Babiest Brother (because he was born a whole 20 minutes after his twin) :) He's the one who will sit and play Jeopardy with me or Sporkle or Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader ... really whatever game as long as it's trivia. He's the one that taught me the love of the Lakers and the rest of all things basketball. He's the one who will threaten to beat me up one minute and then kiss all over me the next. He's the one that saw me crying after a boy broke my heart and sat and held me.

My baby brothers. I count it a blessing everyday that I didn't get sisters. Instead I got these two ridiculous, funny, handsome, smart, silly, great little brothers that complete my world. What would I do without brothers who will tell me they love me in front of their friends, or let me jump on them in a hug when I haven't seen them for too long, or don't get embarrassed when I wear shirts saying they belong to me at basketball games? Just as my parents helped build me, so did my brothers. Without them I wouldn't know the rules to every sports game worth knowing nor would I be able to shock the hell out of guys when I know the answer to an obscure sports question. Without them I wouldn't have anyone to wait out a thunderstorm with. Without them I wouldn't have anyone willing to comfort me at any hour day or night.
They're the best and while they were so annoying all growing up I'm glad no one let me "give those brothers back" because I would sure miss them now.
  oh and p.s. they always always let me talk them into pictures they don't want to take :) could they be any better at being brothers :)

Sunday, January 30, 2011

"Home is Where Your Story Begins"

Day 4: Your Parents

HOME ... I love it there. It's a place I would rather be at most times and rarely ever want to leave in the first place. I'm just like Dorothy, I just want to go home. I know most people (lucky people) claim to have the best family ... but I really do. Lucky people get to claim they have the best parents in the whole world ... but again I really do. Anyways, I'll settle for just really believing that fact to be true ... I have the best parents/family in the whole universe of parents/family. They complete me and have made me who I am to this day. 
My Mom: beautiful, strong, compassionate, sassy, opinionated, mouthy, great listener, my hero, takes care of everyone's everything, adored by everyone, adores her family, loves to party, loves to cuddle, gives the world's best hugs, and always always says she loves you.
My Dad: stoic, smart, handsome, athletic, an amazing teacher, an even better coach, loves his family, stands by his children, stubborn, feisty temper, cares actually cares for all of his players, an amazing husband, can't cook but always springs for dinner, loyal, and loving.
I love them both with everything inside of me. They taught me everything and helped build my character to what it is. The first Christmas after my Grandpa passed away, my aunt bought everyone the plague above that says, "Home is where your story begins," because that's what my Grandpa fully believed and taught all of his children.  That theory was instilled in me too. My parents are the beginning of my story and I thank God everyday for giving me the type of parents who started the best story I could have. They have loved me from day one and what's even better is that I've actually felt that love every day of my life. They support me, they help me, they teach me, they love me every day. Even if other people think they have the best parents I will still always believe that I actually have the best ones. I wouldn't have the work ethic, or determination, or no fail attitude, or compassion, or loyalty, or the looks I do without them. They have done so much for me that even thanking them everyday for the rest of my life wouldn't be enough. So, all I can do is say "thank you for everything you've ever done and continue to do, I love you with everything I am, and promise some day to give my children the best start to their story too and hope they'll love me the way I love you."
Not only are they amazing parents, but they're such a good-looking couple :) I love them.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

"Don't be afraid to fall in love. It's the only thing that matters in life." Gwyneth Paltrow ... Country Strong

Day 3: First Love

I was blessed to have my first family love be my mother, first pet love be my horse Gunner (who is still the love of my life in pet years), first friend love be Miss Breezy Smith, first boyfriend love be Mr. Logan Kuzma, and my first unattainable love be Mr. Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Helllooo JTT circa Home Improvement ... don't tell me your little heart didn't weep when you thought he had cancer and they were going to kill him off the show ... sigh.
After him I moved onto my next unattainable love, Chad Michael Murray, but only as his character Lucas Scott from One Tree Hill 
What's not to love ... he's sweet and funny and passionate about writing. He reads and plays basketball and writes love letters. Mmm my crush on him will never ever go away

I am so grateful to be surrounded by love on a daily basis. I have a world of friends and pets and books and a pretty sweet life (see that positivity even though the job things sucks) and love and am loved by many people. Regardless of all this love and my early experience with love, none of it meant anything when I met Scott. So many people think that their first love happens in high school. I used to be one of those people. I thought that Logan would always be my first love, but when I met Scott I realized that until him I didn't even know what love was. I will always have a special place in my heart for Logan because he was the boy that helped me get through those awful years that are high school, but my first and only and always love is Scott. I first met Mr. Scott Floyd at a dingy little club where his band was playing. He was the bassist and had all this long, beautiful, curly hair. I took one look at him and I was a gonner. We met, we talked, we drank, we kissed, I stayed over and in the morning when he drove me home he asked for my number and I've never been the same since. We've been through a lot him and me.  And while we might have opted to take the easy way out a couple times and break up we've always ended up right where we started ... together, entranced by one another. He's stuck by me through a lot: 4 years of college causing our relationship to be conducted via the phone from two hours away, the sickness and passing of my dearest grandfather, student teaching, interviews, not getting the job, car accidents, and lonely nights. He's this amazing, beautiful human being and I will love him for the rest of my life and then some. He taught me how to find the happiness in every instance of life and taught me how to love. He's sweet, caring, handsome, cute, strong, smart, funny, and great with our dog. When I look at him I see my whole life. While I often shy away from being too gushy with him and revealing all my feelings when I heard the quote that titles this post, I realized I can't be afraid to show him all these things. I fell for him instantly and keep falling every single day. He proves to me that love really is the only thing that matters.
Look at that handsome face :) When I looked up from my seat at graduation to him smiling and taking pictures of me in the crowd I realized that it's him ... it has always been him. He's the my first and true love. Knowing this is what gives me the courage to say what I'm going to say next. With all the hateful things I think and say about marriage ... none of them matter when it comes to Scott. I would marry him tomorrow or the next day or the next if he'll have me. I would marry him without any plans for a wedding or where we would live or how we would pay bills. I would marry him and fight through all the marital problems facing young people. As long as I could be with him for the rest of my life ... I would marry him tomorrow. My first and forever love.

Friday, January 28, 2011

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” ~ Walter Bagehot

DAY 2: The meaning behind your blog name

It's kind of self-explanatory isn't it? Here I am ... a college graduate and I don't have an actual job.  Not only do I not have an actual job, but because of the amount I'm paying into school loans every month I also moved home. This is reality. This is not some movie or t.v. show where after college every student gets the job of their dreams, the house of their dreams, and the life of their dreams ... c'mon ... did you honestly think that would happen? Clearly Not. I'm here to show and tell you ... this is how it is. More often than not (I can't say always because I have some of those perky annoying friends who got the job, got the guy, got the life ... bitches ... but I love you anyways) this is what happens: you work your ass off in school (not to say that I didn't take those occasional nights and days off to be a college student ... I had fun, but I still worked hard), then you graduate without finding a job (or finding a job you don't like but are forced to take), then you have to move home because of loan payments (and the payments are absurd ... college really is an expensive party), and then you take a look at your life and you realize you ARE HUGELY DISAPPOINTED with yourself and your circumstances. And the only word that comes to mind when you hit this inevitable points I'm sorry to say is Shit. Because there's nothing you can do about the past and the present is stagnant and the future seems impossible ... shit ... now what do I do. And here's what you do: 1. cry 2. bitch 3.bitch to anyone who will listen 4. bitch about no one caring when no one wants to listen to you complain anymore 5. take your emotions out on whoever is standing in front of you at the time 6. realize you'll have no friends anymore if you don't shape up 7. pretend to be positive so people can stand to be around you once again 8. self-loathe without anyone knowing you're doing it 9. tell everyone you're fine and 10. start a blog, because you're most obviously not fine and there's nothing else to do about it. This is real people. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. Currently, 1.9 million college graduates of last year are still trying to find a freaking job and of the ones who did find a job only 15% of them are working in the area they went to school for. These are not good odds. Now ... cue the inspirational music and the speaker telling you "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, It's about learning to dance in the rain" ... because this is what I'm trying to do. Granted, I'm not the most positive person and I tend to focus on negative aspects, I really am trying to "learn" to dance in the rain. But damn it is hard to do. I want to teach ... it's not just about the having a job and life part ... it's about doing what I was born to do. I love teaching. Teaching is my passion. So dancing in the rain of not being able to partake in the profession I adore is a little difficult, but I am trying. That should count for something right? This is real. This is what it is like to struggle with being disappointed in your life and some days ... yourself. This is what it is like to make an active step to being positive ... to "dancing in the rain." So, here we go ... I can't promise you this ride into the adult life that comes after college will be fun and pretty and happy, but I can promise you it will be real.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

"Redheads are too numerous to be ignored, too rare to be accepted."

DAY 1! (Introduce yourself and give 15 facts ... which I assume should be about myself)

When thinking of how to properly introduce myself I thought I should definitely hit a couple of my best features ... one being my hair hence the title of this post. That full quote reads, "Of course, part of the problem with redheads is that there aren't enough of them. They make up just two percent of the population. So they're pretty extraordinary. Redheads are too numerous to be ignored, too rare to be accepted." ~Grant McCracken. I think that about sums me up. I'm pretty extraordinary, never ignored, and not always accepted. Ha ... but really ... I like this quote because it empowers me and I'm all about trying to find things that empower me nowadays. I do have red hair ... red, curly hair to be exact and I generally like it. The texture can get on my nerves, but I love the color. I have a great smile and have been told that is my best feature. I have freckles which you can take as you wish. Some days I like them, some days I hate them, and on the rare day (especially when I've heard from my friend who uses my freckles as my nickname) I love them. I love the snow and the color purple. I can't stand fake or hateful people. I've been known to be sassy and some may call me feisty. I'm stubborn with a wicked temper, but if you stick around long enough to get through those things I have deep compassion and deep loyalty especially for all of the people I love. I started this blog because I'm a recent college graduate looking for a teaching job and I can't seem to find one. This has landed me in a spot where I'm not too terribly impressed with my life on a good day and pretty disappointed with it on a bad day. I'm working through that ... or at least trying. That's me on the surface and I'm pretty sure within the next 30 days the in depth will start to appear as well.

15 facts ... (about me right? not just facts from the news today?)

1. I watch heroic amounts of television. It is always on when I'm home. It doesn't matter if I'm reading or sleeping or writing a paper my t.v. is always on. I like the comfort of having other people that I don't necessarily have to acknowledge in the room with me. I like my alone time, but I'm not big on unending silence so the t.v. fills that void. I also like hearing other peoples' stories ... even if they're made up.

2. That leads into my favorite activity of all time ... reading. I could sit and read forever if someone would occasionally feed me. I love all different kinds of books from thrillers to Dr. Seuss, but my all time favorite type of book is the good old fashion romance novel. Yes it's a dirty pleasure and yes it's a bit embarrassing to reveal that to the blogosphere, but it is what it is. I like love stories and I like to hear how people fall in love and then try and make that love work.

3. I met this boy just about five years ago (well he's basically a man now, but then he was a boy) and he is the only boy I can honestly say I've ever fallen into that can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe unless he's around kind of love with. He's the only person I can picture a life with and the only person I'm sure I won't stop loving until I stop breathing and probably not even then. Even if we weren't together I would still love him. I don't think I tell him that enough and he probably doesn't realize (because he's a boy) that he is the one and only love of my life.

4. I am blessed with this amazing, huge, fun, crazy, smothering, comforting, incredible family.  They were the major pull for me to move home and never move away again. I don't care if that makes me a child because I would rather live where my mommy and daddy are then strike too far out on my own ... I don't think it makes me a child ... I think it makes me unbelievably blessed. I have this type of life where I can see my grandparents or aunts and uncles or cousins any time I want. I have the kind of brothers who make sure they either call or text me from college. And I have these parents who manage to give me my own space while being the best kind of "there" possible. I am crazy thankful for all of them.

5. Teaching is my ultimate passion in life. I am grateful that I realized this was what I wanted to do with my life at such a young age, so that I could be constantly working towards that goal. I am certified to teach English in grades 7-12 and am anxious for the day when I finally have my own classroom. Best case scenario would be to teach high school English, because I adore students in that age group, but I will take whatever stinking job I can find. I know I am good at teaching and I know that someday I will change at least one of my students' lives and that will make all of the work I've put in worth it.

6. I have the most incredible set of girlfriends in the universe of girlfriends. They are my oxygen. Without them I would not function. We don't all live in the same place, but they are always there to save me, or comfort me, or bitch with me whether it is in person or over the phone. We function as a team and I thank God every day for sending me each and every one of them.

7. My mom is my best friend. I am also honored to be able to call my cousin Stacey, my Jessica, my Breezy, and my Brooke best friends as well. They are my sisters. I have no sisters by blood relation, but I am blessed to have four sister by love relation.

8. I love to watch sports.  I enjoy mostly all sports sans baseball and golf. My favorite teams are now and have always been the Pittsburgh Steelers, The LA Lakers, The Ohio State Buckeye football, and The Duke Blue Devil basketball. Contrary to what this list might indicate I am not a front runner. I have been following all of these teams for about 15 years. I've been with all these teams (from the comfort of my couch) through all the bad seasons that no one wants to remember and into the blessed great seasons that everyone complains about. They're like family in that sure they can disappoint and anger me, but I'll always love them.

9. I use to show horses and now just have my old man show horse as a pet. His name is Gunner and I will love him forever. He is my baby and is the only "man" who has always been there for me (sans my daddy). He's white and lovey and likes to play tag.

10. I'm a huge nerd. I love to learn and get bored when I'm not taking on some education endevour. I'm smart and I really like that about myself. I think smart is beautiful and if I ever have a daughter one day I will make sure she thinks that too.

11. I intend to get my doctorate one day. It is something I've always said I wanted to do and I will follow through with my intentions. One day I'll be Dr. Bethey and I know that title will be what suits me the most.

12. Speaking of Dr. Bethey ... Bethey is not my real name but it is what everyone calls me. I was born Elizabeth Renee, but because my mom isn't a huge fan of the name Liz she immediately had everyone call me Bethey. My grandpa started calling me Miss Bethey when I was young and bossy (and who are we kidding I'm still bossy as all get out) and that's what I've been to my family ever since. I like my name. It suits me. It right away shows people I'm unique and embrace that difference. I also like the added Miss because it shows off my sass. I had the nickname tattooed on my after my grandpa passed away ... I still miss him and the way he used to say my name.

13. I just recently got a puppy of my own. (well mine and that boy I love) His name is Dalton and no I didn't name him, but since then I've gotten use to the name and it suits him. If I thought before my horse was my baby this puppy takes the cake. I use the term "puppy" liberally ... he is 9 months old now and weighs over 60 pounds. He, however, doesn't know he's getting to be full dog sized and likes to sleep on my chest ... I, however, have to take responsibility for this because I let him do it. It's the best thing in the world to come home everyday to someone who's excited to see me and even though he's exhausting sometimes I wouldn't change having him for anything in the world.

14. I think that Dr. Seuss and Rainer Marie Rilke are two of the most brilliant people to have ever walked this earth. They weren't afraid to be real and to try when the world told them they couldn't do something. The things Dr. Seuss has to say about using imagination and the things Rilke has to say about living life are some of the most inspiring things I've ever heard. They are life changing figures for me and I aspire to take risks as they did. When I have especially frustrating days I turn to them and they have this way about them that makes me feel better.

15. I want to write a book someday. I would love to publish something, but it isn't necessary as long as I write. This blog came not only out of me wanting to work my way through everything that's bothering me, but also the fact that I love to write. I think writing is a serious business. It helps people purge and come to term with their emotions. I enjoy having people read what I write even though it can be embarrassing, which is why I plunge into this blog revealing all information I wouldn't normally, because I'll never move forward with my writing unless I get over this first road  block.

That's me in a nut shell. Some stuff you would see on the surface ... some you wouldn't. Now I'm one step closer to knowing myself ... see you tomorrow.

oh and p.s. I really like using the ... or a - or a ~ in my writing and if that bothers you I'm sorry I think those things convey volumes of words I could never express.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

"Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.--William Faulkner


So ... I started this blog as a way to get stuff out because I simply can not have it bottled all up inside or it is going to destroy me ... anyways ... I stumbled upon this 30 day challenge when I was off in the blogosphere  and realized that it sounded like a good way to get some stuff off my chest and get to know myself a little better at the same time.  The getting to know myself a little better sounds really scary, but I'm going to give it a try ... at least for 30 days. I'm hoping that once I know myself in depth then maybe I'll stop wanting to switch lives with a storybook character on a daily basis. I know that I have a lot of things to be thankful for and that I'm very blessed in the family, love, and friends department but I just can't help but let other things overshadow all that happy. My self-destructive self must be stopped and I'm bound and determined this is the way I'm going to do it. Blogging everyday for 30 days sounds rough and like I won't be able to do it ... which is exactly why I'm making myself try. Refer to the quote to title this post ... I must keep pushing and find the greatness. That's another goal ... 1. find myself 2. be happy with myself 3. find the greatness within myself 4. push the greatness within myself to higher levels 5. live happily ever after ... we have to start at step 1 every time right? So, here we go.

p.s. I'm going to start tomorrow and the only break I plan to take along the way is next weekend when Scott and I are going away because I've deemed time with the love of my life way more important than pushing myself for three days. Gotta have priorities right?

Here is the list of the each day if you'd like to try it yourself!

Day 1-Introduce yourself and give 15 interesting facts

Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

Day 3-Your first love

Day 4-Your parents

Day 5-Your siblings

Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 7-Favorite movies

Day 8-A place you've traveled to

Day 9-A picture of your friends

Day 10-Something you're afraid of

Day 11-Favorite TV shows

Day 12-What you believe

Day 13-Goals

Day 14-A picture you love

Day 15-Bible verse

Day 16-Dream house

Day 17-Something you're looking forward to

Day 18-Something you regret

Day 19-Something you miss

Day 20-Nicknames

Day 21-Picture of yourself

Day 22-Favorite city

Day 23-Favorite vacation

Day 24-Something you've learned

Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

Day 26-Picture of your family

Day 27-Pets

Day 28-Something that stresses you out

Day 29-3 Wishes

Day 30-A picture

Saturday, January 22, 2011

By the way Regret really does make you old

So, I know I said I would start most of my posts with a quote, but I just got slapped in the face with this reality and I had to share it. This week I met the woman I never want to be in my entire life. I was substitute teaching in an inclusion class and she was subbing for the Language Arts teacher ... She. Was. AWFUL.  She was hateful and bitter and mean and spiteful. She yelled at the students the whole time about not talking and then she sat in the back with me talking about how horrible our education system is the whole class. While I know these things to be true, I don't want to complain about them all period and in front of students.  She talked about how teachers can't make it in on their own merit anymore and it's not about how good you are it's about who you know.  While I understand this concept and I see it happen around me I would like to hold out hope that maybe it isn't always the truth.  She talked about all the things she wished she were doing besides subbing and how she should have gotten this one job and it never happened because some incompetent teacher stole it out from under her. Can we say BITTER? Can we say someone should have chosen a different life path? Can we say REGRET taking over? After I spent 50 minutes with this woman I vowed never to let any regret or bitterness I have towards something take over me like that. I will beat this. I will look at my life and not bitch because I didn't do something differently. I will not be that awful woman. I will remember what Bill Hicks said, "Life is just a ride," and stop taking everything so seriously. Most of all I will NOT be her ... did I get that point across?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

"Regret makes you old and Bitterness poisons those around you"

This blog is basically a spot where I can bitch and have the slight chance that another random person who is going through the same thing I am will see this and realize we are never alone. Welcome to what life is really like after you graduate.  There's things that you have to try and not regret because we all know that regret is bad for you and you have to try and not become bitter about your happenstance because we all know no one wants to be friends with someone who is bitter (hence the title of this blog). The title of this came from the TV show One Tree Hill which I know sounds pretty lame, but I still love it. It makes me feel better when I watch it because for an hour I can pretend that I live in or am from Tree Hill and that my life can be as kick ass as all of theirs.  It also reminds me that everyone has problems, even made up characters on soap operas, and that life isn't always great.  Most of my blog titles will come from quotes because I love quotes and when I hear them I know I need to try and follow them.  I feel that if someone cared enough about this person and what they said to make it a quote that we can look up then it is probably worth following.  It is easy to think that, however, actually following through with it is another story.  Today I was feeling bitter towards where my life ended up and I was trying really hard to not regret the decisions that led me here. It's really easy to say you don't regret something when in fact you're thinking, "Hell yes I would go back and make the other decision duhh," but no one wants to hear you say that. I know it will get me no where to regret things, because I can't fix them. And I know it won't help me in any way to be bitter about it, but damn it some days I just want to feel sorry for myself. Hence the blog. I needed an outlet and this was the best option I could find that would stop irritating people. Here no one has to listen to me bitch, but I can still get it out there. And I have to tell it or I'll go crazy.
So today I kept telling myself "regret makes you old and bitterness poisons those around you" a la One Tree Hill. I'm not sure it helped, but hey it was worth a try right.

p.s. these are some of the reasons why my college life rocked ... I miss them each and every day